blood test

hes not my best friend anymore

i relied on him while i cried

then he went and hit me,

emotionally.

boys can be so annoying

but the ones that

are just friends

can hurt you more

because if it were just a boy

that was in a relationship with you

that hurt you

you would have your friends

to hold you

but knowing the fakeness of someone

you thought only looked after

you well being

hurts more than

one thousand

needles drawing viles of blood.

i hate hospitals
cause even if you're not sick
you feel it
you can hear everyone coughing
and sniffling
and you can see blood
and trembling fingers
and you feel like
you outta be sick

life's interesting now
everyone seems to be getting along
with bumps along he way
nothings ever smooth
with the mac pack
(with the drama i mean)

new people,
new gossip,
new things to do.
its all just so much
but not really
its just the "glory" of being
a teenager

i have more freedom now
rideau at night a lot more
loose plans
and i never really ask my mom
to do things
as much as i tell her
what my plans are
for the weekend

i like it now
but my body's taking the toll
i haven't slept well in a while
and i've been letting my nutrition go
a little bit
and ive let emotions get to me
and ive cried a lot

yesterday i went to my grandmas thinking that maybe she had put a small speed bump in her drinking but no, i could hear the alcohol in her voice, and see it in the way she walked, she wasn't my omi anymore as much as she was a complete stranger. she made me cry because she wasn't there to be my omi for the night, i wanted to be the kid for the night not the adult telling my grandmother not to drink. I wanted the freedom to be told what to do instead of spend my night crying and trying to get her to sober up. i couldnt do it so i went to my step dads (my moms ex-boyfriend who is the father figure in my life) and then my mom left a message on my grandmas answering machine telling her that she had made her daughter cry for the last time. my mom tends to overreasct a lot and she just cant deal with me being hurt in the slightest especially by someone who knew that she was taking care of me for the night.

you just have to learn
to delete the
unneeded
...

Meh

i thought i lost you
as a bird in the park
i thought i had you
as we were star seeking
i thought you would be mine
when you said you were falling
i thought i was getting closer
but you were pushing me away
i told you
they're are two of you
one mine
one hers
mine is better but
you're more hers
its like property
unless you're with me
lying to me
cause when we hang out
you lie
and you subconsciously
flirt,
don't deny it.
i cant even think about
anyone else
when you're sitting beside me
even though I'm the one
telling you its wrong
i wish i would have just
kissed you
when you were leaning in
instead of turning my head
in the other direction
and failing to be there
instead i took your hand
and said
"lets go to the park"
but it was cold
so we went back to your
girlfriend

every "i love you"
you exchange with her
burns

you can only insult for so long
push the knife deeper so long
but then you
relieve the pressure
and the love
relieves the pain
but then you take it away
and push harder

remove the damage

take away the pain

cut away the flesh that binds

this is not the answer

shower away the blood

wipe away the tears

sew up the broken

this is part of the answer

follow someone home

and feel less alone

in this world

we all want to escape

but our existance is among us all

to take for ourselves

no cutting

reshaping

redoing

or

remaking

what happens is what happens

and the future should be left

unaltered